so like i couldn’t really do this yesterday because people were around and i had to finish a tonload of crap but ya woah

I’ve been called a lot of things.  I’m not quite sure if the positive ones outweigh the negative ones, but most of the negative ones are the ones that stick.  They usually are though, right?

(Sometimes I’m not even sure if the positive ones were real.)

But whatever.  I guess it says a lot about the fact I don’t take compliments well.  Mostly I just say an awkward “Thanks?  I guess????” before escaping to a corner to be alone or just say nothing at all.

I also guess it’s why the following happened yesterday:

I currently have family staying over at our house.  (Don’t ask me how I’m related to them; half the people my mom attempts to introduce me to are people I will never know my relation to.)  My parents had to work yesterday so it was just me and my brother entertaining our guests.  (Un)Fortunately, I am about as awkward a moment in need of an awkward platypus so the only thing I could do was treat them nice, smile, answer in Tagalog, and make sure they didn’t die in the heat.

As such, I was polite and - though I always tried to not stay in the room for more than a minute - offered them whatever I could so they wouldn’t gossip about me to my mom.  (Do note:  that’s not the reason I was polite, because common courtesy is something of a knee-jerk reaction when it comes to me, but it was good to stay on the safe side as well.)

I didn’t realize that my hospitality was such that one of my aunts (I think she’s an aunt - anyone from my mom’s generation I just call Tita, so) actually said, “You’re nice.”

It wasn’t anything extravagant, she was barely audible enough for me to hear, but I heard it nonetheless.

It’s two friggen words (well, three, technically, two are put into a conjuction) but it’s stuck with me after 24 hours.  It wasn’t even an eloquent word like hospitable or courteous or even just kind.  All she said was that I was nice.

I honestly don’t remember the last time anyone’s ever called me nice, or if anyone ever said that at all.  Most people I’ve known for years have never even told me I was anything less than a bitch, and while most of the time I take it as a heartwarming compliment, it was almost mindblowing for me to hear that I can actually come across as someone nice.

Then again, nice isn’t much.  Nice can be sarcastic, lacking, and a placeholder for a lot of nastier things.  But I knew - still know - this was different.  I could hear the tone in my aunt’s voice.  It was such that I could tell she was genuine.

A genuine compliment where someone actually called me nice.

It shouldn’t mean a lot, but it really does.

I’m not the type of person who cares about how many people like me.  But I’m also not the type of person who bitches at every human she meets.  I’d like to think I’m a decent human being, depression and self esteem aside.  I just never thought it was a reality.

Jercy is nice.  Such a mind boggling concept.

Who knew?